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Postby Kuukuna » Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:01 am

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  Kuukuna
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Subject title: Newbie needin' some lineart critique

Hai all!

Before I start coloring this, I'd like some tips how to improve it.
..Well, the hands are obvious and a thing I suck most at.

Gungirl2.jpg

I'd say I have really good attention for detail and especially errors, but unfortunately that doesn't include my own works...

 

Postby Otakatt » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:00 am

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I look at this and the very first thing I see is what appears to be a visible right nipple (to our left) that is way too high. I'd lower it, or better yet, lose it entirely unless you're going for a super tight top. In which case that's not coming across because all the random lines on the top makes it look very baggy. Folds don't happen randomly, you gotta think about why a fold is where it is.

Did you ink this by hand with a tablet, or with pen/ink tools by mouse? It looks like the latter since there's no variation in lineweight anywhere, which gives it a sort of flat appearance. Also curious what program you used.

What stands out most to me in need of work is the head and hair. I don't care for how the hair looks like clumped spikes instead of, well, hair. And the face seems very unappealing because you actually do a decent job with a body, so there's a big clash there. I'm used to errors where people make nice faces and then get the anatomy super wrong, so it's jarring to see it vice versa. XD

 

Postby Kuukuna » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:12 am

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Well, it's supposed to be a bullet dent, not a nipple... guess it doesn't look like one then :P
..and I use PaintTool Sai most of the time since it feels more lightweight than photoshop, but I drew the pic originally on my sketchbook and then scanned it.

 

Postby Otakatt » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:25 am

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Kuukuna wrote:Well, it's supposed to be a bullet dent, not a nipple... guess it doesn't look like one then :P
..and I use PaintTool Sai most of the time since it feels more lightweight than photoshop, but I drew the pic originally on my sketchbook and then scanned it.


Oh. Lol. >> Well no, I didn't see it and think bullet dent. :x I assume that means the top is solid then. I don't get that impression either with the random lines. I'd take those out. Perhaps with shading you can indicate the top is metallic/hard.
Paint Tool SAI ftw .<3
stuff.jpg

 

Postby alnoth » Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:02 am

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i think he meant bullet dent not bullet hole, so theres no frayed edge. in which case i think the best way is just a simple C curve for the highlight and possibly a reversed C shape, a smaller one and blurred, inside the first one for the deep shadow if the dent is deep.

on the notion of metallic top, i dont like the fact that it would be solid metal shape, kind of like a single cast metal product. if i would be to go metal on the top, i would give it sections, hinges, creases, overlaps and stuff. but maybe thats just me...

 

Postby Otakatt » Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:32 am

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I'm aware of what they meant, and I googled "Bullet Dent" and yes, some have frayed edges.

 

Postby alnoth » Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:38 am

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Postby Nipponkage » Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:03 pm

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Location: Cumernauld, Scotland :)

The side the nose is on doesn't match the way you've drawn it. I looks like it's not in the middle but on the3/4 of the face.


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